Every single DJ has at one time or another been in this situation: Damn, I need to visit the bathroom, and I’ve got an hour left to play. There’s no way I’m going to be able to make it! Drinking doesn’t help, but hindsight is a great thing…
So from hard-won experience, here are my five tips for successfully getting that “toilet moment” out of the way and getting back to you decks with the music still happily playing – and feeling 100% better!
Our tips for when you need to leave the booth mid-set…
- Put your longest record on – Ever wondered why certain “evergreen” tracks remain so? Ever thought it sometimes seems to be the longer tracks that stand the test of time? For dance DJs, Donna Summer’s I Feel Love gets more than its fair share of plays, as does anything by DFA, and for indie clubbers, do you hear Fool’s Gold by the Stone Roses an awful lot? Yup, they’re all ridiculously long tunes. Sort your DJ music by length, and bung a long-un’ on to give you time to get there and back before it runs out…
- Be prepared to push in – You’re the DJ and you do have privileges. If there’s a queue, you go right to the front of it. If you find yourself joining any kind of queue, check yourself, and get pushing in! (This goes for visiting the bar if you’re unlucky enough to have to go get your own drinks, too. As the DJ, it’s your right to drink quicker, and get rid of it quicker!)
- Leave someone who isn’t a DJ and who isn’t drunk looking over your gear – A DJ will want to mess whatever. A drunk person will want to mess whatever. A drunk DJ is singularly the worst type of person you could possibly leave in charge of your decks, which probably rules out most of your mates. Unless you want to hear inopportune scratching, or something else mixed in instead of your carefully chosen eight-minute marathon tune, make sure a sensible, sober non-DJ (preferable all three) is in the DJ box looking over your stuff
- Lock your gear if you can – Some equipment (the American Audio Versadeck, the Stanton SCS.4DJ) actually has key combinations you can press to lock down your gear, meaning it simply doesn’t work when someone tries to mess with it in your absence. If you’ve got it, use it
- In an emergency, pee in a bottle – Obviously this is not preferable, but then again nobody can usually see you from the waist down. If there’s nobody to watch over the decks, the toilets are miles away (or worse, you don’t know where they are), and you’re really desperate… well, just try and do it in a bottle you’ve got a lid for and can inconspicuously remove…
What you shouldn’t do
Don’t do what Alan Braxe allegedly did at the DNA Lounge last month. I’ll leave you to read the gory details.
And finally, thank your luck that you’re not a vinyl DJ – there’s singularly nothing worse than releasing the pressure on the other side of the club and just as you start to pee, hearing the record you left playing suddenly stick…
Have you ever had to endure a similar fate while DJing? Got any stories of your own? We’d love to hear them in the comments…
Phil Morse
